Asthenia
Somewhere I heard that asthenia is a something astronauts get. I guess it is a feeling of not wanting to go home after being in space for so long. They say that the astronaut sees earth as a bad place and doesn't want to go back and fears going back. Well, if asthenia is really what it is called, then that is what I am feeling.
I have no real explanation for it other then I don't want to go home for Christmas. I fear going home and I just want to stay up here and be lonely all by myself. Even for Thanksgiving I had the same feelings.
I went to my Aunts in Salt Lake instead of going home for Thanksgiving. I was somewhat joyous not going home. I have nothing there that I fear other then being there. So, I guess why don't
I want to go home?
I know that it is Christmas and all but I really don't feel in the Christmas mood. I never had and probably never will. Don't get me wrong, Christmas is a very good thing. We get to celebrate the birth of Christ and everything. That is a good thing, but the worldly part of it just sucks. The whole idea that Christmas is about gifts and about how much you spend on people related to you to show them how much you care is a bunch of crap.
Next my dad is leaving a few days out of town with my step mom and step brothers and sisters to Wisconsin to see my grandma. I thought about going but then, having to travel all of these days to only see my family for a few hours just didn't sound appealing to me.
What does sound appealing to me is really food. I don't even think I remember what it taste like. Thanksgiving just came all at once for one day. I would be home all by myself for like two weeks and be able to make myself a real breakfast every morning just sounds like a lot of fun.
The only reason I am really going home is to spend time with my girlfriend. That would be the greatest thing in the world. To bad that she will have a lot of her own family home so she will be pretty busy with them. That is okay, I will still get to she her and hang out with her.
Maybe after all, Christmas isn't so bad. I still don't want to go home, because that means I have to turn around and leave everyone again.
I have no real explanation for it other then I don't want to go home for Christmas. I fear going home and I just want to stay up here and be lonely all by myself. Even for Thanksgiving I had the same feelings.
I went to my Aunts in Salt Lake instead of going home for Thanksgiving. I was somewhat joyous not going home. I have nothing there that I fear other then being there. So, I guess why don't
I want to go home?
I know that it is Christmas and all but I really don't feel in the Christmas mood. I never had and probably never will. Don't get me wrong, Christmas is a very good thing. We get to celebrate the birth of Christ and everything. That is a good thing, but the worldly part of it just sucks. The whole idea that Christmas is about gifts and about how much you spend on people related to you to show them how much you care is a bunch of crap.
Next my dad is leaving a few days out of town with my step mom and step brothers and sisters to Wisconsin to see my grandma. I thought about going but then, having to travel all of these days to only see my family for a few hours just didn't sound appealing to me.
What does sound appealing to me is really food. I don't even think I remember what it taste like. Thanksgiving just came all at once for one day. I would be home all by myself for like two weeks and be able to make myself a real breakfast every morning just sounds like a lot of fun.
The only reason I am really going home is to spend time with my girlfriend. That would be the greatest thing in the world. To bad that she will have a lot of her own family home so she will be pretty busy with them. That is okay, I will still get to she her and hang out with her.
Maybe after all, Christmas isn't so bad. I still don't want to go home, because that means I have to turn around and leave everyone again.
posted by Eric @ 3:40 PM
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